last summer you watched me paint
a canvas of nothing in particular
and admired the colors before
smearing blue on my stomach
and kissing my neck while i smiled
and blushed, forgetting to tell you
... i'd been painting for you.

two weeks ago i took refuge in the bathroom
away from your violent temper and raging fists,
angry because of my sickness
from drinking too much vodka and under
your screaming and pounding
all i could do was whisper
... i'm vomiting for you.

last autumn we danced in the front yard
breaking the silence only to comment
on the perfection of the moon
and the coolness of the grass numbing
our bare feet and tickling our ankles
reminding me of how
... i was dancing for you.

last weekend we drank a liter of rum
and passed out on the sofa after hours
of inebriated conversations and
distorted kisses and you said you loved me
the most when we were drunk because
it's easier to feel, and i wish you could see
... i'd been drinking for you.

last winter you compared me
to a skeleton, with starving eyes
and hungry ribs that poke you
during the night when i move.
the insomnia is killing you, you said,
so i'd like to let you know
... i've been eating for you.

two nights ago you yelled
hurting my ears with your screaming
and spitting of jealous insecurites and guilt trips,
your sharpened anger shredding
my paper doll figure whimpering in the corner
and i wonder if you remember
... i was bleeding for you.

last spring i said no in the back of your car
but you responded with
shhh... i know you want this
and you continued, deaf to my requests
and ignorant of my tears, even though
... i was breaking for you.

this morning you kissed my eyelids
and somewhere between waking and dreaming
you mentioned your obsession
with my clavicle and how it moves
when i breathe so i went back to sleep
and dreamt of the way
... i've been breathing for you.

now i hear the door slam as you leave
and the razor discovers my wrist
carving out this misery that drips
into the cold bath water until all i can see
is red drowning me and soon enough you'll know
... i'll be dying for you.